Vicious Tango

I have noticed that when things are good...he distances himself.  I get the best of him when we're fighting  - he listens attentively to all I say, he looks at me lets me know that he wants to be connected, but when I respond he backs off.

Today is a good day. We are thinking about going on holiday next year and we're chatting about where. I called him from work because I wanted to hear his voice...I called and about 3 minutes into the conversation I feel the slight lag in response time...like his not quite focused on me. I remembered feeling this way before, only now I know I was probably messing up his chat time to other women online... so I ask him out right - what are you looking at and he responds that his just going through the logs (queries)...half focused on me, half focused on someone...thing...else again. I ended the conversation right and then by saying we'll chat later. I wonder if he even noticed the abrupt end or if he was relieved...

Sometimes I get the impression that if I want the best of him, I need to give less of me and that really sucks big time.

I want to adore someone, to spoil them and generally love them from dusk till dawn.  This is who I am - I long to be sold out for one man and to spend my days showing him how much he means to me...

I don't want to be half ignored...I read my buddys' blog today http://mockturtlemusings.com/ and she is right- detaching with love is the best thing to do - but I just don't know if I want to do that. I want to love with all my being and it goes against the grain to hold back - maybe because its the first step to permanent detachment that it bothers me...but what bothers me more is being ignored.

Love me or leave me...just don't ignore to me.