How to catch a cheat

Exasperated, my husband said he doesn't know how to show me his being faithful. This after once again, I compulsively asked him questions about what has gone on before. All I can do, he said, is keep on doing what I am doing and hopefully one day you will see that I'm not cheating anymore.

Well that would be great. Not to look at my husband and think about who has he attempted to screw that day.  And to be honest I have no intention of spending my life with a man, where this is a distinct possibility.  How can I be sure of his faithfulness? My plan is simple. I will give him a false sense of confidence till August, at that point I will be sending him for a lie detector test. There is no way I am spending my 30th birthday with a lying piece of shit.

I started yesterday. It was hard, but I managed. He wanted to go play cricket with some family members and two overseas students (girls) were scheduled to go along. They would be in their early twenties, bubbly and unchanged by life burdens. I didn't make a fuss - I wished him well and sent him off with a smile. When he came back, I didn't ask him any questions related to them. Let him think that I am over it...

And thats my plan. I will be doing my best not to bring up the past, I will not be exploring his laptop or googling his name every other day, to see if it will come up on some random chat group. Checking on him at every opportunity.

I want my life back. I am tired of being consumed by doubt and resentment.  He wants to cheat, I will do the best I can to provide him with an environment in which that is possible. 

I plan on going to see my sister soon. She lives in another city. I would like to go away for maybe 1 or 2 nights. I am beginning to encourage my husband to leave our son, with my mom - because I am sure he will need a bit of a break. He said no, because of two things : with our son at home, he won't cheat and if he gives him to my mom - I won't believe that he didn't cheat. I am working on it though. Maybe I will spin it, that since I am going on a mini break, he should enjoy himself as well and just take some time off.

The bottom line is that if I want to see if he will cheat, I need to provide the opportunities. I can't keep him on a tight leash forever. I refuse to operate in fear for the rest of my life. So ja. I wish my husband good luck- he has his whole family to gain and only his sin to lose.

Starting weight: 110.6kgs
Current weight: 107.1kgs
Loss: 3.5ksg

Your flirting makes me sick

My husband is flirting with me and it makes me mad...

Let me explain. My porn addict of a husband is the quite unassuming type. The video gamer, who gets excited about blu ray movies and graphic novels. The ultimate geek. I thought I knew him. I thought he wasn't interested in other women, either being to shy, to committed or not interested enough to pursue the other sex.

I was wrong.

The thread that eventually led to the unravelling of our marriage and the discovery of his porn addiction was when I read his conversation thread on Facebook with another woman. At first it seemed innocent enough, but then the conversation went on for hours and took on a decidedly flirty tone. At one point, she exclaims that she doesn't understand why so many men want to talk to her online while she is talking to my husband and he responds by saying that he is willing to stand in line- my low key, unassuming snake of a husband. He goes onto  to say how much he digs her attitude and how much he enjoys their exchanges - I had never seen him before like this. I have never seen him so much as glance at another woman. I have to admit, I knew that his job was undemanding, but I thought he filled in his time playing online games and watching movies (his an IT administrator). I had never seen my husband in action before and OH MY WORD I can only imagine what his other conversations were like, if this was just the beginning.

I have had to change the way I see him. He is a flirt, a charmer - a womanising jerk. He is everything I hoped to avoid. His the proverbial player and I can't stand it. How did I find myself in this position? And now he flirts with me and all it does is remind me that this is how he is with any woman.Slick and sweet. I'm not special, I just happen to be around. He doesn't want to get divorced, but neither does he want to be faithful. He wants it all and by getting it, he has tainted our love. Now his turning on the charm...getting slightly naughty in his insinuations and I just want to gag. I wish I could tell him to stop, but then I think that if he didn't flirt with me, I would be upset because in mind, clearly his tons of sexual energy is being spent somewhere. And maybe if I just push through - one day, he will flirt with me and I will just enjoy it, instead of thinking of every woman he talked this way with.

But for now, I am repulsed. I am not one his women. I am not a slut looking for a quick lay. I need safety in a relationship in order to feel comfortable sexually. I am sleeping with the enemy, which is hard enough - please don't ask me to flirt you in email. I want to scream. I want throw something at him - I want to move out and move on with my life. Isn't there some corny phrase, about setting something free and if it comes back then its meant to be? That's how I feel...I want to set us free. I feel bad because it means that he might miss out on our sons development and plus being a single mom is really tough and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But if I could know for sure, that my son and I would be okay financially. That my husband and son would still have a great bond and my son wouldn't feel like he doesn't have a proper dad, I would leave today.

....

Just do it - cheat already

His wearing a shirt today...


In the middle of this week, when he was super busy and meeting people he wore a dirty t-shirt to work because he see why wearing a clean shirt was better and today is traditionally a very slow day, where he literally just sits in his office and plays games...and today his wearing a nice shirt. I wonder who his trying to impress.


I watch him with his laptop, to see if he quickly clicks out of things whenever I am close...


At night, I sometimes watch him while his sleeping to see if he will give anything away. I wonder if his cheating on me again and it makes me sad that this is what my marriage has come to.


They say it takes 3-4 years to truly get over betrayal, but I don't know if I can hang on for that long. The waiting to see if I can catch him out again, the misery when I realise I will never really know for sure. I am so tired of not knowing, not trusting...I miss the warmth of security.

I have constant dreams, where I catch him cheating again. Mostly his having dinner with a female co-worker after he told me he needs to work late.In my dreams I feel sad, but also surprisingly a strong sense of relief. I guess its because if he cheats, the waiting will be over. I can move on with my life and leave him behind knowing that I did the best I could for our son. There will be no more waiting to see if he lets me down again. There will be no more second guessing when he looks nice for work.I won't have the compulsive need to check where his phone is every time he goes to the bathroom in case his texting someone else. It will just be me and I think I could be really am happy with that.


I have deliberately chosen not to remind him that we have agreed that he will be taking a lie detector test. He will assume that I am beginning to trust him again. I have decided to give him enough rope to hang himself. So I will try to not use his laptop any more and I will stop asking him how his "temptations" are going. We are supposed to have relationship Thursdays where we talk about our relationship - but I won't bring it up any more. The sooner he cheats on me, the sooner I can get on with my life instead of wasting more time on someone who loves me, but apparently doesn't love me enough to stop sleeping around.


If I had money I would pay a woman to strike a relationship with him and tempt him. I really would and if she cracks him within a month- there would even be a bonus...mmmmm I need a hug :-(