He cheated on valentines day

I found his username today...the name his been using for all his online activities. All I had to do was google it and...site after site...post after post came up. At first it really confirmed for me that my husband has a problem. But then I noticed that a couple of posts were made on valentines day last year. Want to know what I was doing last year? I had to travel for work... I publicly sent him messages of love on facebook. I dedicated a love song to him. I stood waiting by the phone, because I didn't want to miss his call. Told him I missed him and that I couldn't wait to get home to him.

I always thought it was dysfunctional to believe, that it is better to be in a relationship where the other person loves you more than you love them. But now...now I see...I have been loving him for so long, when he hasn't loved me the same. Maybe liked...maybe even liked alot...but not love. What kind of love humiliates and degrades like this...what kind of love smiles and holds me,while emailing tons of women looking for sex.

Sometimes when I am feeling gracious I remind myself, that I too have flirted and have had my share of crushes...but its nothing like this. Not the length, width or breadth of it...

He didn't want to celebrate valentines day because our wedding anniversary was the 1st March and he said he didn't have enough money to celebrate both. I understood and wholeheartedly agreed. Now...now it looks like valentines day just didn't mean a damn thing and he simply didn't care.

A long time ago, I asked him to stop telling me he loved me, because he didn't understand the meaning of the word. Lately I thought that perhaps I am to harsh, but after all I have seen- I realise I am right and I am one step closer to divorce. Who wants to be with someone who can only be faithful if you're same room with them? Who wants to be in a marriage, where you love your partner more than they love you? My mother once told me, never to give something precious over to someone who did not understand the value of it. They would merely treat as garbage. "Never throw pearls before swine" was her exact words.Is my heart not precious. Am I not precious? One thing for sure - his a pig and doesn't deserve me.

I am more sure now than ever, that he has had sex with more women than what he has let on. I am not convinced that he has stopped visiting sites. I have no proof. But something told me, something was wrong before. I feel that way now...I could ask him, but he lies straight to my face and sometimes even with a smile - so what would be the point. I am no match for him. Maybe if we got divorced, we could start again...later, when he has done and explored all that he needs to explore.

I feel foolish and stupid. What am I going to do?