We spoke about the bully wife - the one that monitors everything he does - drills him on everywhere his been - interrogates and insults her husband for fear that if she doesn't, he will mislead her once again. The blind wife, who actually refuses to even consider that her once promiscuous partner could cheat on her again. Despite the most heinous of betrayals she blinds herself to the possibility of unfaithfulness...because it hurts to damn much to even think he would do it again, after he saw the way her heart crumbled the last time...
How about the resigned wife. The wife that cooks, cleans and sighs sighs of regret under her breath. Perhaps she stayed to long, perhaps she should have screamed at him instead of praying alone...perhaps she should have prayed first instead of chucking him out...she will never know where her footing slipped, as she tried to hold on to her husband for her familys sake. All she knows is that something went wrong along the way and it haunts her that she couldn't make it right. She looks at her life and regrets the decision she made to either stay or leave..
And of course the pragmatic wife - she misses the days when her husband truly was her hero, but she has come to terms with his feet of clay. She longs to be loved like the heroine in Mills and Boon books - desperately and honestly, but she knows that this is unlikely - so a warm relationship is settled for. After all, what she and her kids get out of it, is worth the sacrifice of girlhood dreams. Most days she is fine with the sacrifice, but every now and then she wonders if there is a man out there, searching for her, who is ready to make her his all and everything.She consciously pushes the thought aside, before she turns to face her husband. He can only offer her a comfortable and warm companionship now- never again will he be able to sweep her off her feet. After all she has found out what happens when your head is in the clouds. And she has learnt to be okay with that...
I wonder these days, which wife am I- I have yet to meet a woman who has gone through constant infidelity in her marriage and has come out permanently happy and content on the other side. Maybe "okay"...but never happy. Is it possible? We flip between " I feel like we're doing better" and " What is that bastard doing now" - we have a good days and bad, but the way we look at the world and our husbands will never be the same again.
Sometimes the weight of unknowing is to much to bear and I want to pack it all in. I know that I don't want to be bitter, resigned or a bully. I want to end off my marriage the way I started- proud of my husband and content with the choices I have made.And that's my prayer for us all - that one day when we are to old to bother with bras, that we look back and are content with the choices we have made and the husbands we had.
Be blessed.
Hugs to you, Xena!! Very well written.
ReplyDeleteThanks Elsie :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't know what kind of wife I am either...i suppose I may any one of those wives on the list at any moment. But im sure i don't want to be any of them...at least thats what im working toward.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post, I want to share a testimony on how Dr itua healing herbs cure me.
ReplyDeleteThe worst time has passed”However, it is true that there are more improvements than before...because of the rising numbers of people living with HIV in the state of Nevada. How could they stigmatize all of them? Therefore everything becomes a little easier and we start to share everything... We also started to invite and visit each other in a community. You know, it is six years since I started taking antiretroviral drugs...Yet whatever problems I face, the worst time has passed
When I was evicted from the family home by my mother, my father rented a small room for me. But my mother and brothers believed that having HIV was my own fault – and that I deserved to be punished...I also considered myself unworthy and without hope... But I have a child and eventually I convinced myself to live for my child’s sake.
My mother knew nothing [about HIV]. She didn’t understand anything. Do you know why? She didn’t have [the chance] to go out of the house and communicate with society. However, my father does interact with the community. I know his friends are mature and dignified in africa america. So he has a better understanding than her.
My father came call me on a sadfull day sitting on my couch about a friend of his from africa who introduce him to Dr Itua herbal cure in africa in which he advise we should purchase his herbal medicine to cure my hiv so we did and Dr Itua prescribed I should drink the herbal medicine for two weeks to cure although we were so curious about the whole thing ,I finished the herbal medicine like he advised then he talked to me to visit my nearest clinic for check up I did and now I'm totally cured from Hiv my father was my rock and I and my family are now happy together also Dr Itua has be helpful in my community ever since he cure my Hiv and my tinnitus so why I'm leaving my story on here today is to reach out someone out here to hope on God and never give up no matter the situation you that you are facing especially through this pandemic seasons which has really taught us all on how we should be helpful to each other and cherish one another.
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