I loved him. Not romantically, but in the way you love someone just for them...he was special and died when we were teens. I remember the day I first met him and I remember the day we buried him. In my memory box lies a pamphlet and a condolence letter to me. The memory box used to be filled with momentos of past boyfriends, which I chucked away when hubby and I decided on a fresh start...but I couldn't summon the courage to throw Emmys pamphlet away.This weekend I sat on the bed and apologized to him for the millionth time,for not being a better friend. For being self centred and weak. Selfish and spoiled. For turning away and forgetting him in favour of childish joy and delights while he laid in hospital dying. I am sorry today, as I have ever been...but still I thought it was time to let go, but I just couldn't. I feel as though it would be the ultimate betrayal if I discarded his image to the bin. This is my penance, to keep him with me, so that I never forget what I am capable of- and what I despise most in others.
I keep him to remind me, to be better person to those around me - to be mindful and present to others pain and joy. To stay true despite the hopelessness of the situation...
I wonder sometimes if this is why I have stayed, in my darkest hours. To somehow show that I will not run, I will not hide- I can be strong and brave and true, even unto the very end.
I wonder if my husband found my box, and if he wonders who Emilio was to me. If he ever asks, I will tell him - that Emmy was a better person than me and that in his death I found a better me.
I guess some memories never reach an expiration date- they stay in a box, waiting...
I have no words, Xena. Only hugs and love.
ReplyDeletetouching. thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post, I want to share a testimony on how Dr itua healing herbs cure me.
ReplyDeleteThe worst time has passed”However, it is true that there are more improvements than before...because of the rising numbers of people living with HIV in the state of Nevada. How could they stigmatize all of them? Therefore everything becomes a little easier and we start to share everything... We also started to invite and visit each other in a community. You know, it is six years since I started taking antiretroviral drugs...Yet whatever problems I face, the worst time has passed
When I was evicted from the family home by my mother, my father rented a small room for me. But my mother and brothers believed that having HIV was my own fault – and that I deserved to be punished...I also considered myself unworthy and without hope... But I have a child and eventually I convinced myself to live for my child’s sake.
My mother knew nothing [about HIV]. She didn’t understand anything. Do you know why? She didn’t have [the chance] to go out of the house and communicate with society. However, my father does interact with the community. I know his friends are mature and dignified in africa america. So he has a better understanding than her.
My father came call me on a sadfull day sitting on my couch about a friend of his from africa who introduce him to Dr Itua herbal cure in africa in which he advise we should purchase his herbal medicine to cure my hiv so we did and Dr Itua prescribed I should drink the herbal medicine for two weeks to cure although we were so curious about the whole thing ,I finished the herbal medicine like he advised then he talked to me to visit my nearest clinic for check up I did and now I'm totally cured from Hiv my father was my rock and I and my family are now happy together also Dr Itua has be helpful in my community ever since he cure my Hiv and my tinnitus so why I'm leaving my story on here today is to reach out someone out here to hope on God and never give up no matter the situation you that you are facing especially through this pandemic seasons which has really taught us all on how we should be helpful to each other and cherish one another.
Dr Itua cures the following diseases..... Herpes,Liver cancer,Throat cancerLeukemia. ,Alzheimer's disease,Chronic Diarrhea,Copd,Parkinson,Als,Adrenocortical carcinoma Infectious mononucleosis.
Intestinal cancer,Uterine cancer,Fibroid,Bladder cancer,Hiv,Esophageal cancer,Gallbladder cancer,Kidney cancer,Hpv,Lung cancer,Melanoma,Mesothelioma,Multiple myeloma,Oral cancer,Sinus cancer,Hepatitis A,B/C,Skin cancer,Soft tissue sarcoma,Spinal cancer,Stomach cancer,Vaginal cancer,Tinnitus,Vulvar cancer,
Testicular cancer ,Thyroid Cancer.
You can contact Dr Itua Herbal Center on E-Mail: drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com.