Is it better for someone to cheat for love or lust?

My husband would emphasise that none of them meant anything. It was a sex thing. Purely physical and nothing more...

At first it was a comfort as I felt the death knell, surely would ring if he had said that he had loved any of them. But now I am not so sure.

I look into my sons face, beaming at his dad and I wonder how he could have put this on line, for sex with a stranger. How could he have put my love on the line for one night stands...and I search and search for an answer that would satisfy me. One that I could totally embrace and understand and I thought that only one that I would be "okay" with was that if he told me that he loved her...them. I understand love. I have never believed that there is this one true soul mate for everyone. I think that there are a couple of people on this earth that could make you very happy and would be wonderful partners. If you're lucky, you meet one of them and you promise life long committment. I have always understood that somewhere along the line, you will might meet another person that could have made a great partner as well - it would be sad, but you make the right choice and you stick with the one you committed to. Sometimes I find myself thinking...please tell me you loved her. Tell me that you put us on the line for someone who was amazing, wonderful and you had a deep abiding connection with. Please don't tell me, that you put me at risk for some tramp who thought it was cool to do a married guy.

But then I think, if it was love. Shouldn't he have loved me more? I think its possible to care for two people at the same time, but I don't think its possible to care about them the same. Surely, I should have come out on top. So no...love wouldn't do.

So what is it? Yes he hits all the markers for a porn addict, but for some reason I struggle to really embrace it even though it true. For me, I think the simple truth is,is that my husband is broken. His my favourite dress, that got torn at the back by some nail. His the project I have been working on for months only for my boss to make a couple of "suggestions". His my parents first vicious arugment in front of us.... He is broken...and thats something I can understand.

His broken and I can't fix him. His broken and he didn't know. His broken and has cut me on his jagged edges. His broken and I can't bear it...