The Pyrrhic victory

Pyrrhic victory \PIR-ik\ , noun:
A victory achieved at great or excessive cost; a ruinous victory.

They say, that you should stay after your partner cheats provided they understand the amount of pain they have caused. They say that once a cheater sees the destruction they have caused, he will treat you like a queen. They will never ever cheat again.Why let another woman benefit from the pain from you have endured. To reap the rewards of living with a reformed cheat.

But what measure of happiness can really be gotten by staying? So what if he treats you like precious stones - where was this care before? So what if his now on the straight and narrow? By staying you have doomed yourself to a lifetime of questioning his faithfulness...every background sound over the phone could be another woman...every tap of a keyboard could be an online chat. What price am I to pay for my 'reward'. They say that being with someone who has cheated on you once is better than being with someone has never cheated on you before. The logic being that once its done, its over with. But someone who has never cheated is always wondering and can do it at anytime.

How fucked up is that. It's better to stay with someone who has betrayed you, in the hopes that they have learnt their lesson after seeing you cry? In the meantime your life slips away, waiting for him to betray himself again. What kind of life is that? Is this the life I am meant to have? Seeming gratitude that its happened and move on as if its all par for the course? I can't...I just can't. It hurts to much. I would rather be alone, than to wait for him to slip up. I don't want to be with anyone else. I just don't want to be with him...

The loss is to great, tainting dreams in hues of bittersweetness.

I am left dying on the battlefield of his addiction. The trauma to my shattered heart can barely be endured through gritted teeth. He wails over my broken self, trying to withdraw the knife he savaged me with. He tells me the battle is over and we won...I try to smile but as far as I can see I am the only casuality of war. I am the bloodprice for his victory...