I have noticed that when things are good...he distances himself. I get the best of him when we're fighting - he listens attentively to all I say, he looks at me lets me know that he wants to be connected, but when I respond he backs off.
Today is a good day. We are thinking about going on holiday next year and we're chatting about where. I called him from work because I wanted to hear his voice...I called and about 3 minutes into the conversation I feel the slight lag in response time...like his not quite focused on me. I remembered feeling this way before, only now I know I was probably messing up his chat time to other women online... so I ask him out right - what are you looking at and he responds that his just going through the logs (queries)...half focused on me, half focused on someone...thing...else again. I ended the conversation right and then by saying we'll chat later. I wonder if he even noticed the abrupt end or if he was relieved...
Sometimes I get the impression that if I want the best of him, I need to give less of me and that really sucks big time.
I want to adore someone, to spoil them and generally love them from dusk till dawn. This is who I am - I long to be sold out for one man and to spend my days showing him how much he means to me...
I don't want to be half ignored...I read my buddys' blog today http://mockturtlemusings.com/ and she is right- detaching with love is the best thing to do - but I just don't know if I want to do that. I want to love with all my being and it goes against the grain to hold back - maybe because its the first step to permanent detachment that it bothers me...but what bothers me more is being ignored.
Love me or leave me...just don't ignore to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment