Naming your daughter after a mistress

I have always known that I want more children. It scares the living daylights out of me, because my pregnancy last time was eventful to say the least. And yet, I want my second child. I want a playmate for my son and its NB that he doesn't grow up alone. There is something magical about us against the folks scenario ya know...

So yes, I would like a second child. The other night my husband and I chatted about the name we would give our daughter...we were thinking of Alyssa meaning joy or great happiness...and out of nowhere my mouth formed the question - did any of your other girlfriends have that name? He looked shocked for a minute and retreated in tense silence. I asked if he was annoyed and he said yes- how I could ask that. And I reminded him, that one of the possible names he volunteered was Abigail...that's right, the name of the first post wedding dalliance. He said nothing...but to honest he didn't really seem to have heard me.  He went to bed angry and I shrugged it off, because it was pretty much his problem.

The next morning I asked if he wanted to talk about it...once I promised to just listen, he shared with me that he was hurt and angry that I would think that he would stoop so low as to name our daughter after one of his mistresses. That I would think that he would punish me like that...I am glad I promised to listen, but I had to bite my tongue to not remind him about Abigail..

He said that maybe I should pick the name of our daughter - it was said in anger and little flippantly, but the truth is, I probably will. I want to because I need to know that the name I give my child, is the name that I want and not spawned out of some good feeling memories my husband might have.

It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth knowing what my husband is capable of...but perhaps what is more confusing is  seeing for the very first time how he has completely separated himself from what he used to be like. Its like he couldn't reconcile what he had once done to the man he is now. He was disgusted that I could even think that he would name our daughter after a mistress...but you know what, while I allow to warm my heart a little bit - there are some lessons that I would be foolish to forget.

I remember my husband turning on me in anger, when I discovered his first affair. I remember his seemingly annoyance that I could even consider that he was cheating me. I have learnt to take everything he says, with the wariness it deserves.

So he can be upset and even hurt...its water off a ducks back. The time for not wanting to hurt his feelings have come and gone, all is left is reality and a healthy skepticism of life as I know it.