Last year, I told him that I didn't want anything for valentines day and I emphatically told him to forget about our wedding anniversary...love was a dirty word in my home and I just didn't want to hear it...
Over the last year, I decided to try...and come January this year I told him I was ready to hear that he loves me. So with trepidation and little excitement for the first time in years, I planned for valentines day. I say the first time in years, because I previously made the monumental mistake of not celebrating ( because it was so expensive)...so no valetines have been seen for a while.
It was sweet, we stayed home (he bunked work, which is unheard of), we caught a cheap movie at the cinema and we exchanged gifts. He wrote me a letter...and I teared up. His only ever eloquent on paper...I wish that he would have courage to look me in the eye and tell me what he feels- but he says that when he writes he can really express himself and I get that...
I loved my Valentines Day - In many ways our very first..
On the 1st of March is our wedding anniversary and I don't know if I am ready to celebrate that yet. In my spirit I still don't understand why he married me, if he wanted a different kind of life. So maybe I am not ready yet for that...
Maybe this next year - it will be different :-)
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