Lie to me baby...

I caught my husband starting an affair with his work colleague. His first reaction was that I was crazy - that they were just friends. It made me sick to the pit of my stomach,that he could lie so blatantly to my face. And oh man, did the arguments begin. He then apologised, with what seemed like appropriate remorse and when I asked him if there is anything else I should know, he said no...but I  had seen something during my research on infidelity about taking lie detector tests. I had dismissed it, because I didn't think it would be necessary...

I started praying about what I should do. Confused and hurt, I turned to God  to help me see what I needed to see. And something is my spirit just brought it up - ask him...if his happy to do it, you know there isn't problem. If his less than excited, you know that his hiding things from you. I hoped that he would happy - but he wasn't and thats when the lie detector test became my best friend.

Trickle truth was killing me and my husband couldn't see it. The lie detector test and the threat of it, helped to bring every nasty ass thing he has ever done to light. It wasn't an easy experience, but it burned our fake marriage to ground so that we could rebuild on a solid foundation. Here the questions I asked, and so should you:

1. Are you currently having an affair (physical or emotional) with someone?  - because that needs to end NOW!
2. Have you ever had sex or physical intimacy during our relationship - regardless of whether if online or in person?
3. Did you use protection? If not, did you go for an STD, HIV/AIDS test?  - even if he says he used protection, get tested. Some STDS can be transmitted by just the rubbing of skin on skin
4. Are you hiding or deleting files off your laptop, that would incriminate you?
5. Are you deleting your history?
6. Are you using the "private session" function? ( I HATE THAT THIS EXISTS)

All the answers to these questions, will lead to more questions. What I learned the hard way, is unless you ask them (porn addicts) a very specific question, they will try to evade. So this is no time, for dancing around issues.

Beware though, that lie detector tests can't gage emotions, just actual tangible events. So questions like, "do you love me"? or " are you committed to this relationship" can not be gaged. However, he doesn't know that, so feel free to ask him these questions anyway,stating its part of the list of questions that you handing over to the guy who is conducting the test. You might be surprised, by what crawls out of the woodwork.

The lie detector test was one of the best things that I could have ever done and I thank God for showing me what to do. If he had gone on lying, with new "discoveries" everyday - our marriage would be over by now. Instead, in fell swoop everything was razed to the ground and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

If you are cheating on your partner and are reading this - one of the worse things you could do is be a coward and lie (and yes withholding information is lying). Answer questions accurately and with sensitivity. My husband would not have been able to come to terms with his addiction until, everything was brought to light. Its a lie from the devil, that noone will love you, if they knew the truth. Yes, life might get hard for a little bit - but don't wait to be discovered. Find your courage and fight for your right to a healthy loving relationship.