Sometimes, I think my family thinks me weak for staying. I am often told, I don't know how you do it...every now and then I hear that so and so said, that I should leave, that I should just move on. I don't know how to tell them that although its hard at the best of times, I don't stay because I am weak...I stay because I am strong. I stay because the most obvious choice is not always the right one...I stay because I choose to and not because I would feel lost without him. My staying is a choice...and its a choice I make every day and perhaps one day that decision will be different...
I have never been able to explain that adequately though, until I saw this qoute from community:
"The meaning of self-esteem
Abed: Britta, I've got self-esteem falling out of my butt. That's why I was willing to change for you guys. When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't such a big deal. (Season 1, Episode 17, "Physical Education")"I have never watched the show - but it inspired me. I am strong enough to see this thing through to the end...I am not to weak to leave. I am not a walk over...I am steady in the storm, holding out for the long term reward instead of jumping ship for short term relief...I am not stupid nor naive...I am smart and a visionary, understanding that somethings require sacrifice at great personal cost - so that in the fullness of time, my family and I will be blessed. I don't stay for him...I stay for me.
For those of us, who choose to stay and do battle - I salute you for your courage even when the world doesn't always understand why...
I totally get you. And also I dont know about you, but I remember being the kind of stupid woman that thought that jumping ship was a brave thing. UNTIL my DDay. Funny how life slapped me in the face...
ReplyDeleteAltough I am willing to fight, my husband is still very very lost on his addictions. So right now all I can do is step aside and see where this is going.
Best wishes!
K
Thanks K
ReplyDeleteI also used to think that. I now cringe at the memory of how I told my husband that if ever he cheated I would leave blah blah blah...no second chances etc etc
But ja,funny how things turn out.
That's sucks about ur hubby, but I'm with you on stepping aside. We can't heal them,but we can refuse to self destruct with them!!
Hugs
X
Thanks K
ReplyDeleteI also used to think that. I now cringe at the memory of how I told my husband that if ever he cheated I would leave blah blah blah...no second chances etc etc
But ja,funny how things turn out.
That's sucks about ur hubby, but I'm with you on stepping aside. We can't heal them,but we can refuse to self destruct with them!!
Hugs
X