When an addict becomes a bully

We finally had our review of our contract...which apparently he doesn't like me calling it that, but at any rate. I had putting it off for ages and finally it was time. So I told him that there were things that I thought I would be okay with, but Im not. Im not okay with all his endless storage gadgets of hardrives and flashdrives...I am not okay with his emails and that its time to delete and let go of things that are getting in the way of our healing.
So his agreed by next week to delete all extra emails. He will have only 1 personal email. He will going through the house and shed and bringing all his electronics into one space. He will be getting rid of extra storage that he doesn't need. Very soon my cousins are love him...

I think the hardest and perhaps biggest thing on my heart to talk to him about is how he treats our 11th month old son.

My husband is an amazing man - but his quick temper is something to behold. I think his years of porn addiction made this worse. Quick to anger and mean spirited would be a defining charateristic if he thought he wasn't getting his way. To everyone else, he was the gentle and kind...but I have seen him at his worst and suffice to say, his not a saint.

 Over the years I have spoken to him about it and he tries and tries and has improved. Last year when he gave his heart to God, there was tremendous change and his been doing well for the most part...except when our son wakes up in the middle of night and its his turn to look after him. The language is horrendous and aggresive and every now and then I have made mention of my concerns, but this time I gave it to him straight.

I told him, his bullying our child. If my son was 7 foot tall, he wouldn't speak to him that way. If it was me that woke him up, he wouldn't dare address me like that...but suddenly with our son it different. He tried to laugh it off, clearly uncomfortable - but I told him that he might find it funny, but does he see me laughing? After that I got his attention. For the next two minutes, I explained to him that no one is born a perfect parent. We all make mistakes and we all do our best. The thing though is, is that the kind of parent we become is based on our daily engagement with our children. So what he does now with our son, its only going to get worse in future. We don't suddenly change when our children grow older.

After ensuring that he understood how serious I am, I told that I understand that neither of us came from perfect households and we didn't exactly have great rolemodels to know what great parenting looks like - but we should go to workshops and seminars on how to manage being good parents and tips on how to manage kids when you're short tempered.  Ever since, his gone through great lengths to practice patience with him...I will be watching closely, but I think his finally got how much it has disturbed me and what I will do if it carries on.

So I just about feel ready to have him move back in - but I won't do it until he keeps his end of the bargain and starts chucking stuff that no longer should be in our home. We'll see how long it takes him to honor his committment. So ja good things  - nothing like a good colonic...