So the hubby and I are back from Thailand - were we spent two amazing weeks there, holding hands and finding out who we are as a couple again. The awesome thing about Thailand is that it really does cater for whatever kind of holiday you want. You can 5 star it or budget backpack it and the whole asian experience will be yours for the taking...
We were brave and left our 18 month old son behind - it was bittersweet. We needed us time, without running after a toddler insistent on exploring every nook and cranny - it was great to fall asleep next to my husband without a wriggling son in between us and yet- I missed all of it as much as I was relieved by its absence. Its crazy being a mom hey...But I would say, that if you are going to backpack it or have a budget holiday, I would encourage to only take only age 12+ children with you. Its insanely hot over there and coming from a South African, thats saying something. The parents courageous enough to try, looked harassed and worried, trying to ensure that their little ones were surviving what felt like desert heat - it did not look like fun. If you take kids - you need to have the money to make it very comfortable. Note to self- definitely take my son, but only when his a teenager.
But would I take my husband again...well, its a bit dicey. You see I researched and planned our trip around the hotspot areas. So phuket was out and so was Pataya...and I would say that it went pretty well, but you can't escape the fact that if your husband wanted to step out for 30 minutes- there is a lot he could do. The most off putting thing that happened was in Chinatown. Beautiful place, but to my surprise I spotted two prostitutes straight away. In broad daylight mind you...a tuk tuk driver ignoring my presence, told my husband that he would be able to take him to a red light district close by- it was if I didn't exist. It made me wonder, how many husbands waited for their wives to fall asleep and crept out for a little bit of Thai. On my last day in Thailand, I unexpectedly started my monthly and was forced to send my husband out to buy some pads and to be honest for a while I was tense...there is a lot a man can do with a couple of minutes.
But is that any different from where I live...not really. We have our local spots only 5 minutes away. It would be foolish to think that somehow sex was easier to obtain in Thailand than it is here...but I do wonder if it would be cheaper.
It saddened me, to think that I can't even trust my husband to go buy me sanitary towels without worrying whether he would sneak off into an alley somewhere - but it is what it is.
I decided to go to Thailand, with the thinking to heck with my husbands issues. I wanted and needed a break and I didn't want to be let his problems influence my life and future anymore than what it has already. But it become patently clear, that its not just about the recovering addict- the truth is you are a recovering couple - there will definitely be triggers for him, but perhaps more importantly and unexpectedly is that you will be triggered as well - which comes as a surprise when you are looking out diligently for your partner.
What was my trigger as the partner? Its was the different-ness of the women. One of the primary hurts I had, was the fact that women my husband sought out, was very different to me. The weight, the hair...the colour their skin. He wanted something else and being surrounded by pretty Thai girls just brought it all back home to me. I can't change me to be a different woman every other week to sate his need for different experiences... Thailand could be just as bad for you, as it could be for your partner.
But all in all - Thailand is great and I would recommend it to the couple trying to build happier memories, but you must know where you are going to and you must have some degree of honesty in your relationship to know whether being within a block of a prostitute is going to be an issue.
We went to the Islands - but decided to go to Koh Lanta Yai - a mainly muslim island known for its beauty, but it also for being family friendly. We stayed in Chinatown and downtown Bangkok, where everyone wants to give you a massage, but we chose to be in non seedy areas so generally it was on the up and up.
Thailand isn't the problem - what it does is bring out the best and worst in you, because everything is so freely available. The problem is us and who we decide to be, when we touch down in Bangkok.
The are 4 things thought I would check first before deciding to go to Thailand with your partner, just based on what we experienced what made it okay for us.
1.Can he look away? I don't mind if my husband notices a beautiful woman, as a matter of fact I get worried when he pretends not to. The issue is, can your partner notice someone beautiful and not let his gaze linger while he mentally undresses her?
2.Can he manage his triggers? I am sure that as time has gone on, he has not told me every trigger he has and I see this as a good thing, because I need him to be able to manage himself. But I do expect him to tell me if we need to steer clear of some stuff. He has done this in the past and I believe he will let me know the big things. So that was good.
3.Are you ready to manage your own anxiety about being attractive enough for your partner? This is hard, but there was a couple of times, when I needed to just let go.Beautiful young girls are dime a dozen there - So pack in only one or two summer friendly outfits, that bring out your best features - no heels!! steer clear of showing to much cleavage. I found it disconcerting the way the local men stared at my bosoms :-(
4.Can you give yourselves a break and stop talking about whats happened? When you go to a beautiful place, you have the right to stop talking about it and give yourself a mental holiday. If you don't, you will spend a lot of money doing something you could have done at home. When you go - go to rest your heart and mind. Give yourselves a break. It will be worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment