Hot Sex

I want us to have raging wildfire sex life. We had one, when we started out. Each touch sizzled and every kiss tasted like more.

We were adventerous, but nothing like the stuff I now suspect my husband would have preferred. We got engaged and everything pretty much went to shit right after...as time went on our sex life dwindled. It happended less and less. The positions grew monotinous and after a time, I actually told by best friend that I felt like a cum receptacle. I know it sounds gross, but he didn't even look me in the eyes anymore. On average I would give him 2 minutes if not less, before he "finished" - which by the way I never have been able to do...

I tried to do the whole pretty underwear thing and some couple games we could play in the bedroom. All he would do is blush and say his not into into anything kinky...that he likes how things are (what a pile of shit...) anyways, I felt like such a slut for wanting to amp things up a bit. I started thinking that maybe I just had an abnormal sex drive and everything he brought into our marriage, more than made up for his lack of interest in the bedroom. Resigned to 1.5 minute sessions for the rest of my life, I bought more and more Mills and Boons books - getting porn high off the raunchy sessions I read. Mills and Boon was my sex life.

Now here we are. We have both developed unhealthy atttitudes and ways of engaging with sex. I know what I want ( a solid, loving marriage where we don't screw other people) and a part of that is to resurrect our sex life. How do you have sex with someone, who for years preferred having it with someone else. I don't know :-( But what I do know, is that sex has brought us closer since D Day. A session with my now attentive husband stills the anxiety for a little bit. But I want to try and do exciting stuff - partly to show him that excitment can be found in our bedroom if he gave it a chance and that I am pretty much up for anything and I won't judge him for wanting to try out "interesting" things. I just want to be the only one he tries them with...

So despite the pit that I am in, in my steadier moments I think of what I can do. So today, I decided that I am going to book us a hotel room for his lunch hour and surprise him with some lunch time nooky. I am trying my best to not think about the all the hotel rooms and lunch nookies he has had in the past - this one time will be our first time and it will be awesome. I am little worried that it might trigger something for him...I am even more concerned that he will decide to start up again after expieriencing it again...but there is no other way around it. In order for us to be more adventerous, we need to start exploring stuff together. I am not ready for roleplays yet. As a matter fact, I can't think of anything worse. But I love dress ups and there is nothing quite like seeing your husband in uniform.

What I still don't get is, is that I wanted to do so much together and he always turned me down. I am a bit of an exhibitionist and enjoy making love outside - the look of shock on his face was indescribable...of course the joke was on me in the end - but why did he pretend to be so shy and shocked when the videos and online conversations he had regularly was so much more dirtier that I could ever hope to be? Why the act? Why not rejoice in the fact that your wife would love to be a naughty minx with her husband...his such asshole.

Anyways, so I would like to start warming up the sheets again. I want us to have fun together. We need to start slowly, because I tend to freak out if I think his doing anything porn related - which would be hard to avoid in sex LOL

So ja, thats the plan - if we fail, I don't see how his recovery will ever be possible. The natural pull towards fulfilling sex is to strong. In this arena particularly, we must overcome and excel...

We need to get back to the place, where making love with your partner is not a chore - its your first choice.