I have been stalking Abigail (miss abby jacobs) on facebook. She is so damn ugly, that it offends me. Seriously - if he had to cheat, couldn't he have picked someone pretty? Instead, her profile pic is of her in her bra, with dark circles around her eyes looking like a damn chubby raccoon.
Why do men affair down??
So lately I have been tossing this delicious thought back and forth - befriend the husband, make nice and then tell him how amazing he is for forgiving her for the affair. What an great man he is, to still kiss the same lips that possibily caressed another mans dick. What a phenominal saint to take back a woman who spread her legs for a relative stranger, in the company meeting room no less. I wish that there more men like him out there in the world...and then act all shocked when he says, that he didn't know a damn thing...and purr at the knowledge that she is going to have to explain herself to someone that she promised loyalty to...
I want to destroy everything she has. Everything she has worked hard for...but when I am not out for blood, I think of this man. I don't him and he doesn't know me, but we are linked because our partners did. Can I do this to him - hurt him in order to hurt her? Does he deserve this kind of pain? If she is still sleeping around, he deserves to know what his married to. I hold his future in my hands...
I couldn't live with the pain I caused someone else, unless I knew deep down that it was for the best and in all honesty I don't know...
But the thought of the havoc it will cause eases the pain...its me at my most vindictive. She deserves everything she gets...
What would you do? Would you tell?
Hi, I'm so new here, I hesitate to offer words of advice so soon. Normally, I ease my way into a blog but, yep, there it is but..I'll use my experience and hope it helps you.
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to hurt the women. I wanted to hurt my husband. I wanted them to feel the pain I was feeling, it was only fair I thought. I had created a fake FB account so I could stalk these women and their husbands even, to see what they looked like, and yes, I am prettier. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time was filling my head full of more hurtful images than it already had. I was in a super hypervigilant mode.
While in counseling, I realized I was no longer mad at the women. Sure, they played a part but it took two to have the affair. My husband has an addiction, a disease. I eventually got to a point where I felt it was only okay to tell the husband's of women in certain cases.
Not for revenge, but to shed light on what was happening in their own marriage. If only a husband had come to me before my husband got physical with the two women, imagine the pain I could have been saved from. But, no one did. Not one email or phone call from anyone. And my husband had dozens of online affairs - and many of those women were married.
I told three husbands. The two he was physical with the wives (well, they were physical with him-same difference) and one he had an online affair with because she lived in my town. All three husbands were grateful. I wasn't going to tell one of the wives but she left me no choice - she stalked me. (Long story).
All this to say, I put myself in the shoes of the husband. Would I want to know? My answer was, Hell Yeah!
Sorry this was such a long comment =)
Its pretty cool!! Thanks for getting back to me. I think its key that for you it was meant to be a restoring thing and I have to admit, I just want her shit to burn. So maybe I should wait a little bit, so that I know for sure my intentions are decent ;-)
ReplyDeleteHow did the husbands take it?
Yeah, waiting can't hurt =)
ReplyDeleteOne hubby was mad at his wife because she broke their open marriage policy by having an online affair with a married man. He apologized to me. Gee thanks. LOL
One hubby was shocked at first but then after some thought, not all that surprised then his wife convinced him my hubby had lied and she never really blew my hubby just got dressed up in lingerie for him. It had only been an online affair and no physical contact but when I asked him what my hubby had to gain by telling me he got a blow job from her he ultimately believed me but I didn't follow up with them to find out how they were doing - they were friends of my hubby.
The hubby of the stalker chick wasn't surprised at all. He had confronted her already about my hubby calling her once. He had also just run into issues with porn on their computer and some evidence of OA so me calling just helped him understand his wife needed help. It was also what pushed her over the edge to stalk me months later.
So, yeah...not a bad idea to wait LOL =)))
This is probably one of the hardest decisions to make. I have no advice or experience. But, as the betrayed, I think i would want you to tell me. Maybe not to my face...maybe a letter. I would want to know. It would hurt but I can't stand being in the dark. but maybe i would make sure i was telling for the right reason.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand how sweet revenge might feel. But truthfully Xena, I know you're not that kind of girl. :)
love you
I know right...I know my heart right is just full of spite - so I am going to hold off for a little bit :-( I hope she is good to him and has changed and that every damn day she tells him she loves him...
ReplyDeletehave you seen this?
ReplyDeletehttp://ifhappyeverafterdidexist.wordpress.com/2012/09/15/finally-one-piece-of-closure/
i thought of you.