YOLO FATTY

My weight is a problem...I keep getting into these days when I look at my fat ass and in my head - I am like WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE. I am inspired for a day and then I let momentum slip through my fingers.

When am I am finally going to get it?? I need to exercise consistently and watch what I am eating - its a lifestyle and not a diet. If I want to be the better version of myself that exists in my head, then I need work at it.

I  spent time with mom over the weekend...she has hired a maid, because she struggles to walk for more than 15 minutes. She thinks she weighs 200kgs, but she isn't sure because she thinks no scale can get up to her number. We would need an industrial scale to find out how heavy my mom is...

On saturday, 3am in damn morning - crying because my husband is an asshole, I weighed myself. 116kgs. Thats how much I weighed when I was at full term with my baby -  AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

I am HUGE. It depresses me, but when am I going to hit rock bottom? I see what I can become and I don't want that. I want play with my kids, be sexy for myself and be sexy for my partner. These days I struggle with feeling in my legs when I sit. Its really bad. It goes totally lame if I sit with my leg crooked for a little bit, what the heck is that. I feel old and rickety. Oh how I miss the glory days of hip hop dancing.

I have started walking in my lunch times. Its hard to do it when I get home and I have let that be an excuse for to long ;-( So I now have my takkies with me and I go for a walk. I worry about stinking though.  I am not running or anything, but a good pace definitely provides a "glow".

Today I weighed myself again and I am weighing in at 113.3kgs.

I don't understand why I weigh more in the afternoon than I do in the morning...anyways.  So I am going to try and start small - just going for a walk during lunchtime and see what happens. Take it easy and just committ to baby steps...

p.s Apparently his moving desks. He won't be with Cheryl anymore - his going back to sitting with guys and by all accounts, the guy next him is a real jerk. I like it though, because it means that my husband will think twice of getting into weird shit with someone watching...