We were meant to go to church last weekend, but I was to tired. Yesterday, I just felt this overwhelming feeling that I didn't want to go to church even though the day before I organised for my folks to take my baby. I told myself that I should...so I started doing my hair and my flat iron broke...now my hair is awesomely curly, but it broke directly after I only did half my head - so afro one side and flat the other and thats when I knew...the devil is roaming around like lion looking for whom he can devour...and I decided even if I have to go church looking like a thug, I am putting my pride in my pocket and I am going and when I got to church I realised why the devil was trying to stop me...
Over the last weeks, a consistent theme in my head is that I know I can't trust my husband, and if his saying that I can't even trust my intuition - than I have no-one and I can't stay in a marriage like that. Within 5 minutes of walking into that church, God convicted me. How can I say that that I have no-one to trust, when God has been so faithful to me. Why do I lean on my own understanding, has God not shown me that He has always been there for me and has guided me, when I was stumbling in the darkness. Why do I place my faith in my husband and myself and then crumble when we fall short - my faith should be placed in God alone.
Hows this for weird -The sermon was around, why do we try and save ourselves - that Gods job.
And thats what I have been doing - I have been trying to save myself. The humiliation of being duped has left its scar and I am scambling to not let it happen again - but the truth is God showed me the last time - He led me into the valley, when it was the right time. I need to have faith that He will do so again, because I can't keep going on my own strength. This is to big for me.
We had communion and I recommitted myself to God. The minister reminded us that we each need to take up our cross and follow him. We need to die to ourselves in order for souls and the generations after us to be saved...is this my sacrifice? If I hang on and believe in Him despite myself and all my husbands betrayal, will we realise the plans that God has for us? I must never forget that my God is a good God and He will guide me and lead me home. My God has never let me down....
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs3:5-6
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