So last Friday, I went a little crazy and installed a sms and phone call tracker on my husbands cellphone. I have been feeling suspicious lately. Sometimes he does things that reminds me of what he used to be like...and even now, if his not screwing around its to hard for me to ignore the similar behaviour. So I installed a tracker on his phone. BIG MISTAKE.
It has made me super conscious of everything he does. I sarted compusively checking my emails, where all copies of all his sms's and phonecalls would be sent.Notifications of when his logged into his bank account, sms's confirming electricty that his bought started coming through, and with every copy I got I felt increasingly stressed out and its only been 3 days. I can't live my life like this...checking every sms, just in case thats the one he sent to his one of his flings or prostitutes. Its going to drive me crazy. I can't move on, if I am constantly checking his phone, personal pc and laptop. It keeps dragging into the light something, that I would love to go a day without thinking about. But its like I can't help myself...they say that these cheating punks get the "fog"....well I think we get it to.
When I am in fog of betrayal, I can't think straight. I compusively check every device in our house just in case it will lead to a discovery. When I clean up our house, I go through his pants pockets and his comic book collection in case his hid something in there. I search until my eyes hurt and I am tired. Nobody can tell me I shouldn't...I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself. I need to search...just in case his cheating again.
After I look and find nothing, I always feel resentful. I look at him and I can feel my lips growing tight with anger and lingering pain. A wife shouldn't have to search through her husbands belongings...
Lately, I have been thinking that I have been hearing a second phone. I was in our bedroom and I heard what sounded like an email notification. It could be his or mine...but for some reason, its got me thinking that his got a second phone. I will most likely go through his drawers again this week...just to check.
But I need to take the tracker off his phone. The problem is that the tracker is designed to "disappear" so that the owner of the phone won't know its there. I looked and looked, but I can't find it. I checked out his applications list and nowhere to be found. I am in a sms hell of my own making.AAAAHHHH
oh no! It can open a door to insanity. you can't check it all the time or you'll go crazy. which one is it? maybe i can help you uninstall. I check my maybe once every few months. if there is something going on i know i will see it then. but don't drive yourself mad...it's not worth it. sorry
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you!! I found the sucker. I realised that it changed names so that the phone owner wouldn't be able to recognise and just assume its a technical support app, but yep - found it and deleted it. You're so right. Its not worth it and I figure, if his cheating again, sooner or later I will find out and when the time comes I may reinstall it, to confirm suspicions - but right now all it seems to do is create suspicion!
ReplyDeleteWho would have thought, that we would end up at this place hey Scabs? tracking apps...sheesh...